Think About It: Why Are 42% of Black Women Not Married


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by Will on December 29, 2009

in Discussions, Think About It, Twitter Talk

ABC News Nightline did a piece on why so many successful Black women are single, and if they need to lower their standards in regards to requirements for finding a mate.

It’s amazing to me that these issues still plague the African American community to no resolve. I think that the biggest problem with addressing things of this nature is that we never really deal with the real issues. The inner struggle amongst our people (young against old, light against dark, and male against female) has never been properly dealt with. The subconscious contention that’s embed in our brain goes back to times of slavery where slave owners purposefully created contention amongst slaves. This whole contrived battle within our community worked in past times and is still at work today. We are attacking these relational problems within our community ass backwards; there is no understanding amongst man and woman and that’s why we are in this position as a people today. The support system, respect and honor amongst Black Male and Female has been destroyed.

It’s easy to criticize one another when there is no understanding and this is the biggest problem amongst Blacks and it’s that communication and understanding has totally been lost. We (male and female) create our relational perspective without ever really listening to the cares and thoughts of the opposite sex. We have acquired some of the best expressive skills and some of the poorest listening skills leaving both sides at a standstill; pissed off while holding on to premature perspectives… females believing the brothers can’t get it together and fellas thinking the sisters are money hungry and know it all.

Females make statements like black men are abandoning black women, they only want to date light skin or white women, there are no available good black men, and black men incapable of monogamy.

Brothers make statements like black women are money hungry, black women don’t show brothers respect, and black women have a problem with letting the man lead.

These are rhetorical dead end statements that will never result in anything but empty argumentative conversations and still a community divided. The real issues are why is it that compared to any other race in the U.S. we are the most negative, destructive, unaware of self, un-unified, imprisoned, and uneducated of all. Is it because it’s just in our nature to be this way or is it a method to this madness.

What are your thoughts?

Stay tuned I will continue this discussion on Thursday.. please leave comments I would like to know your thoughts

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  • Antoinette
    The one thing story that jumped out at me was the sister who had a great conversation with a white guy and then let him walk away...knowing he probably enjoyed the conversation as much as she did. I would've said to him the same thing I said to my husband when I met him, "Here's my number. Call me."

    My husband told me something the other day that was profound...and that related to any goal. The conversation was about the fear of success and how some people get so close and then blow it. He said, "maintain equinimity in your losses as well as your success; focus on technique and know that money is just a derivative of your technique." If that sister were to focus on her goal - which is to have a loving, committed relationship - she would have given that guy her number despite the fear of rejection or the prospect of happiness that she finally found someone she could possibly love. She would have been focused solely on technique - meet a man, vibe, then exchange numbers and get to know him better. Relationships with white guys, black guys, purple polka dot...all the same...a derivative of the technique.

    Once you practice doing anything, you start to vibrate at a different level - in this case, she would started to vibrate at the level of a woman committed to exploring possibilities and to going for what she wants in a relationship the same way she has in her career and in her appearance.

    She probably wouldn't hesitate to try on a new outfit, change her hairstyle (so long as it didn't involve cutting it :) or to apply for a job if the prospects were great but let her have a great conversation with a man and watch her recede into her shell of the traditional 'I'll wait for him to ask for my number' routine.

    Smart, pretty girls are about a dollar a dozen. Smart, pretty girls who take risks to find the love they crave? Priceless.

    Woe is the turtle who only makes progress when she sticks her neck out.
  • I watched this and i also had to think about there they are as well. Atlanta, Ga! However i think sometimes as women you too get caught up in vain aspirations of what a man is or how he should look. honestly i think this is the case, of woman wanting to be better than their parents and getting so caught up in the rapture of success that they forgot..What they want. I dont know though all i will say is open your mind to other men, from different cultures. There are a lot of single successful men. Yes they may be divorced, with kids or whatever. But that doesnt make them any less of a good man. I think women in these circumstances over look good men because they’re too short, too ugly, too poor, or not thuggish enough. Something dumb! The problem is women like these are usually still chasing the wrong type of guy. I always feel some kind of way when women and men complain about being single and successful. Usually it's a personal issue; meaning work on yourself! Everyone will not be married, Everyone will not have kids. Its not every one's calling. Stop trying to put in other women's heads that there are no good men, there are plenty! The problem could be you and how you think. Change the way you think and maybe you'll do better.
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